I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
