Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
