Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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