my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
