Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
