Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
