And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
