Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
