this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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