I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
