Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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