I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
