We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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