I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
