Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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