He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
