Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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