If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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