Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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