I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
