After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
