if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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