the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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