There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
