Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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