Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Randomize
