is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
