My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
