my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
