Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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