You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
