North Korea, Best Korea!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
