No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
