he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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