Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
