its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
