I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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