So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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