Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
