And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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