it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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