i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
