i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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