you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
meet me or not, i'm out of control
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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