i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
