I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
