dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
