Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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