this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
