I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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