so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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