well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
