Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
