He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
how drunk are you?
Several
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
