I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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