is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
